I almost let my marriage slide down a rocky path. All because of some things I knew that I forgot. Or rather I just didn’t want to apply them. I wanted to be angry, and selfish, and live in a pity pool for a while. It actually felt good, even started to feel comfortable, giving myself poor-me talks as often as possible. All over some little things. Little things I felt I shouldn’t have to put up with.

The truth is I am happy and blessed. So blessed. The Lord has seen fit to restore those years the locusts had eaten and provided me quite unexpectedly with a loving godly husband, nice home, great job, healthy church, and wonderful kids and grands. What in the world could I have to complain about?

Nothing. Not one thing. There was a time in my life when I faced serious problems that produced equally serious resentments. As I learned through New Life Ministries and in the rooms of AlAnon, resentments eat away at you. Unchecked they will eventually poison, leaving a bitter person who oozes dissatisfaction everywhere she goes. God in His grace grew my faith, using my willing heart, my Bible and worn prayer bench to show me the way away from that pit. He put people in my path that helped shape me into the woman of faith He wanted me to be. That’s an amazing thing.

So how did I get to the edge of the rocky path this time? Like Paul in Romans chapter 7, I acted in ways I knew I shouldn’t. I did what my heart didn’t really want to do but I couldn’t seem to help it. For whatever reason, the old sin-nature decided to have a real go at me. The loss of WIFI at the house was just the straw on my camel’s back, a little thing that landed on top of other little things that for some reason pushed my mad button. For 3 days I turned into a mean-spirited nag who recalled every little thing my husband had not done, or did halfway, or forgot, and made sure he knew I was NOT happy. Awful to have to admit that as a Christian wife, but life and blogs are not only about joys to celebrate. Being vulnerable enough to reveal your real self, warts and all, can be a good thing if you learn something in the process.

And I did. I re-discovered the awesome, indescribable power of prayer. How God can take my words – angry, resentful, tearful or remorseful – in heartfelt prayer to Him and change me, fix what is broken. I had to acknowledge He needs to be in control of me for things to change. My circumstances hadn’t changed, I made a decision. Reading the Word each morning and a good devotional (even in my angry state) reminded me what to do. I needed to stop focusing on my feelings and honor God by being kind and respectful to my husband, if only for one evening. To help me, I reached for one of my old AlAnon books and looked up the passages on Resentment. There I read, “I have the right to choose my own standards of conduct, but not the right or the power to impose those standards on others.” Wow.

The tension in our home was lifted, our enjoyment in each other’s company returned. Why? Because I asked God for help. I tapped into the power of Christ, already in me since salvation. I used my resources, as my husband would say. I took Self off the throne of my heart and let God sit where He belongs. My flow of tacky words stopped; I listened. I traded my cranky pants and uppity attitude for humility and forgiveness. I gave up my justifiable resentment against all those little things, those little relationship-killers, and killed the resentments instead. Now those little things are in their proper place, a tiny speck on the beautiful tapestry that is my marriage. Oh, and the WIFI is back on!